HeresTomWithTheWeather

I started reading Kevin Booth's book Bill Hicks: Agent of Evolution (although Kevin lives in Austin, the book is now only available in the UK). Lots of good stories so far from Bill's closest friend...

Sitting at the front table at one show was an oil-rich patron and his entire entourage: They were there with a girl. Her birthday. They were acting like they owned the place, talking loudly but tipping huge. Twenty bucks a drink, stripping the bills off a huge wad. The house was packed. Great crowd...

...but the front table will not shut up. Bill makes a few attempts to quiet them but nothing works...

Finally, Bill stopped his set and says to them: "Look, I've heard this material. These other people can't hear. So why don't you shut up?"

"It's her birthday, man. Fuck you and do your act."

"I don't give a fuck if it's her birthday."

So the guy guy peels off another $20 bill, throws it at Bill and says,

"Do your fucking act."

This sets Bill off. And now he has to make the point. "I don't want your fucking money. You're fucking up the show. I don't need your fucking money."

So Bill took the $20, wiped his ass with it, then threw it back in the guy's face. The crowd starts giving Bill an ovation.

"No one can hear," said Bill.

"They can hear."

Then a woman sitting next to them joined in on the side of Bill and the rest of the crowd: "No, we cannot hear."

"Shut up, cunt."

So, this lady's Texas Linebacker-sized boyfriend immediately gets up....

...He sees tables and chairs flying. "The last thing I saw," said Bill, "was the waitress jumping up on stage saying, "Well, that's our show. Thanks for coming out."